Malcolm Turnbull To Be Sold To Fund Coalition Promises

Malcolm Turnbull satire

Australia’s most popular politician, Malcolm Turnbull, will be auctioned off to help fund the Coalition’s spending and savings promises, it was revealed today.

Opposition Leader Tony Abbott said it was a ‘win-win-win’ strategy. “The Coalition will plug the budget gap, one lucky Australian will get a unique memento of early 21st Century politics and I’ll get the prick off the front bench,” he said.

The winning bidder will be able to do whatever they want with Mr Turnbull. “He’d look great on a mantelpiece, or as a pot plant,” one Liberal strategist said. “Or you could use him to grab coffees in the morning”.

Interior stylist Gabby-Ann Jenkins – who plans to bid on the item – said Mr Turnbull would be popular amongst discerning left-leaning inner-city professionals. “What a great talking point for dinner parties or your community working bee. He really is the must-have feature piece for the 21st century home”.

Asked if the Coalition had considered selling off other MPs instead of Mr Turnbull, one Liberal insider said, “We might’ve got some loose change for Joe Hockey, and Christopher Pyne could be sold as a prank item for Halloween, but it’s not exactly going to fund a parental leave scheme, is it?”

The Shovel is Australia’s satire website. Follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter


  1. jasonblog

    September 4, 2013 at 8:34 pm

    As a wise man once said – “it’s funny because it’s true!”

    Thank-you for brightening my evening!

  2. cartoonmick

    September 4, 2013 at 8:36 pm

    Great, where can I lodge my bid? We’ve been looking for a new butler now for about 3 years, but they’ve all gone north to the mining boom.

    Glad about Christopher and Joe not being flogged off, cartoonists of Australia need them.



  3. mludowyk

    September 4, 2013 at 9:25 pm

    I’m sure he’d have more friends somewhere else

  4. Felonious

    September 4, 2013 at 10:37 pm

    Can I bid on Sophie? She’d be ideal for scaring off Jehovos and keeping the birds out of the apricot tree!

    • mludowyk

      September 4, 2013 at 11:23 pm

      I’d like to buy Christopher Pyne, I’m sure he’d be cheap and I can think of lots of things I’d like to to do him

      • Saaq Madiq

        September 5, 2013 at 1:55 pm

        Or target practice maybe.

  5. uloola

    September 5, 2013 at 4:45 am

    The whole of the LNP is for sale,just ask any lobbyist.

  6. Saaq Madiq

    September 5, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    When Chrissie was a baby I would have loved somebody call out,” a dingo has got my baby”.