Edward Snowden Just Relieved To Finally Be In A Country That Respects Freedom

After more than a month on the run from the oppressive forces of the US Government, whistleblower Edward Snowden says he’s relieved that he can now relax, safe in the knowledge that the Russian Government will never intrude on his privacy or stifle his freedoms.

“It’s just a weight off my mind to be honest,” Snowden said while touring the sites of Moscow this morning, just hours after being granted asylum. “I’m just a regular guy who likes to expose government secrets from time to time, and the Kremlin has a really good track record of being supportive of that kind of stuff.

“I spoke to Vlad [Russian President Vladimir Putin] yesterday and he said he’d personally kill me if I tried to pull any fancy shit over here. Funny guy. He really does have a deadpan sense of humour”.

Mr Snowden said he’d been well received by the Russian people so far. “There are people following me around everywhere, which is kinda weird, but kinda nice. Not sure of the need for the dark glasses and ear-pieces, but I guess that’s just how people roll over here”.

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1 Comment

  1. Steve Kallio

    August 2, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    The sun is very bright there, I hear. I’m sure everything is legit