Clive Palmer’s Plans To Build 160 Mechanical Dinosaurs Probably The Most Normal Announcement By An Australian Politician This Week

clive palmer satire

While Tony Abbott and Kevin Rudd were this week trying to outdo each other with increasingly ridiculous ways to scare away people on boats, political candidate Clive Palmer released a sensible, fully-costed plan to build 160, life-sized, roaring dinosaurs on his Coolum resort.

The dinosaurs – which will complement the two already in place at the resort – will, fittingly, be built in conjunction with a vintage car museum.

Mr Palmer would not confirm or deny whether the dinosaur park was part of his own party’s border control policy, although it’s unclear what other purpose it could possibly serve.

Either way, the plan has injected some much-needed sanity into an otherwise comical week of politics.

“It was time for someone to do something level-headed and reasonable this week. And, as usual, that responsibility has fallen to me,” Mr Palmer said.

Sunshine Coast councillor Jason O’Pray described the development as “classy and subtle”.

The Shovel is Australia’s satire website. Follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter

 

12 Comments

  1. Sean Ryall

    July 25, 2013 at 5:04 pm

    I actually did click on one of the links that took me to what appeared to be a genuine ABC news story. That mo fo is dead set serious! Well at least about building a dinosaur park – the bit about its use in “Border Protection” is just The Shovel’s editorial flourish. Like I said, it writes itself…

  2. uloola

    July 25, 2013 at 6:21 pm

    Imagine if Clive became PM, Australia would have our own George. W. Bush.

    • Squirrel

      July 25, 2013 at 7:52 pm

      And what would his Prime Ministerial Library consist of? Copies of Jurassic Park?

  3. Squirrel

    July 25, 2013 at 7:48 pm

    I’m still laughing about the actual comment by Jason O’Pray. I thought that would have to have been an invention by The Shovel, but no! Jason has got to be kidding, surely? I also love the bit about the noise level from the roaring dinosaurs having to be only 5 decibels above the background noise. As Sean says, the story by The Shovel writes itself.

    • The Shovel

      July 25, 2013 at 9:08 pm

      It would only be fair to point out that, since this Shovel article was published, Mr O’Pray has reconsidered the use of the word ‘classy’. “Classy is probably a poor choice of words” he told the ABC.

      http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-07-25/palmer-gets-go-ahead-to-build-worlds-biggest-dino-park/4842292

      • Squirrel

        July 26, 2013 at 1:37 pm

        So, the use of the word “subtle” is more accurate? For huge roaring dinosaurs? Thank you for another laugh. This story just keeps getting better.

  4. Mike

    July 25, 2013 at 8:58 pm

    (you’re slayin’ me)

  5. Tony

    July 25, 2013 at 11:33 pm

    Hang on, what’s going on here? I thought this was a satirical news site. This made me laugh twice: once as a pisstake and again when I realized golfers will seriously be teeing off to the roar of T-Rex.

  6. Don O'Sullivan

    July 26, 2013 at 1:24 pm

    Bit rough on George Bush.

  7. Mikey

    August 9, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    Remember Caddyshack 2? (Best you don’t)

  8. uloola

    August 9, 2013 at 2:58 pm

    You have all got to realise the subtle message that the plump Palmer is trying to get across here.When refugees see people like chubby Clive they will think to themselves we’re not going to Australia, that place is full of nut jobs.It needs a mind like his to come up with such a brilliant strategy.

  9. kgb16

    January 1, 2014 at 11:40 pm

    Palmer has only one motive in running for Parliament…..to increase his chances of gaining approval for his destructive mining ventures. Anyone that thinks he is doing anything altruistic for the Country are fooling themselves!