Invisible Things Are Ridiculous, Says Man Who Lives His Life According To Invisible Thing

tony abbott satire

A Sydney man who believes an invisible spiritual being created the earth, impregnated a woman and devised intricate views on what constitutes a family, says the Emissions Trading Scheme is flawed because carbon emissions are not visible to the human eye. 

The man, who also hopes to become Australia’s next Prime Minister, is the same man who once described the Clean Energy Regulator as a “police force chasing an invisible, odourless, weightless, tasteless substance”.

“This idea that you’d set up entire institutions dedicated to something you can’t even see, well, that’s just madness,” he told The Shovel today.

The Shovel is Australia’s satire website. Follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter

You might also like: Tony Abbott To Scrap Climate Change If Elected

80 Comments

  1. jasonblog

    July 16, 2013 at 11:20 am

    Absolute classic!

  2. Squirrel

    July 16, 2013 at 12:48 pm

    Brilliant! How about we put this man in a room without oxygen, which is a colourless, odourless, tasteless gas, and see if he still believes that invisible things do not matter?

    • Bill Malkin

      July 16, 2013 at 1:28 pm

      Good point! 🙂

    • Dawesi

      July 17, 2013 at 3:30 am

      how about we use the figures that tell us that our carbon contribution as humans is 0.000001% and a volcano eruption puts more carbon into the air in 20 seconds than we do in 1000 years.

      Oh wait, then we couldn’t tie global warming to carbon for the sake of making millions of dollars or jack electricity prices 100% in 6 months.

      • Dave

        July 17, 2013 at 10:11 am

        That volcano crap has been debunked.

        http://www.skepticalscience.com/volcanoes-and-global-warming.htm

        Do yourself a favour next time you feel the need to repeat denialist rubbish and check this handy list: http://www.skepticalscience.com/argument.php

      • timbothirroult

        July 17, 2013 at 5:30 pm

        The science has been done on the eruption of Eyjafjallajokull and carbon emissions dropped due to the grounding of aircraft.
        http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2010/apr/19/eyjafjallajokull-volcano-climate-carbon-emissions

      • Andy

        July 21, 2013 at 7:24 pm

        Nice list, doesn’t cover one thing though…and this is something many people seem to ignore or not know about. We are in FACT still in an ICE AGE, coming out of the ascending side of it…hence heat icrease, spread of desertification and the reduction of ice caps.

      • Gary

        November 9, 2013 at 6:46 pm

        Sorry, a bit late to the party.
        Yes, the “coming out of an ice age” is addressed:
        http://www.skepticalscience.com/coming-out-of-little-ice-age.htm

      • Terrence Thompson

        July 22, 2013 at 1:03 pm

        How about you inform yourself of the facts before you set yourself up forridicule.

      • Trev

        July 25, 2013 at 11:17 pm

        Simpletons like you are the problem with this country. Moron.

      • asd

        November 10, 2013 at 6:22 pm

        You guys. Always out to embarrass yourselves by reading only things that agree with what you already think.

      • Mark

        December 4, 2013 at 5:40 pm

        Crap

      • Anna Nyland

        December 29, 2013 at 11:39 am

        I think you should gets your facts straight before you type. Electricity prices did not go up 100% in 6 months. If your bills doubled you must be using more power.

    • Stellarina

      July 19, 2013 at 8:33 am

      Excellent idea!

    • Peta Kokacheenah

      September 11, 2013 at 9:41 pm

      hahaha that’s golden.

      ….but make it a microwave. please, for the love of Aus..

  3. Archibald

    July 16, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    Tell that to the ACCC (which regulates “competition”, the CASA (which regulates “air safety”) the CMC (which regulates against “crime and misconduct”) or perhaps Fair Trading (which regulates “intellectual property”. And dont get started on the whole system of the courts which provide “justice”.

  4. awombatsweb

    July 16, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    Reblogged this on A Wombat's Web and commented:
    Good entertaining news satire.

  5. Tripper!

    July 16, 2013 at 3:03 pm

    I think this idiot never came out of this psychedelic trip on bhang lassi all those years ago!

  6. Sam

    July 16, 2013 at 3:22 pm

    Funnily enough, this could be what alerts the world to the cognitive dissonance regularly displayed by Mr Abbott.

  7. marty

    July 16, 2013 at 3:32 pm

    Come on people that was a carefully placed political statement about non delivery of the Labour carbon exchange policy, he is subtly undermining labour policy appealing to those in the community who do not accept climate change science, which is not proven but is merely an extrapolation of data which is recent and not comprehensive, and coming from a climate system which is even now not very well understood on their own (scientists) admission. Whether you agree with his policies or not is irrelevant, he is an underrated, smart, well educated veteran politician… the irony is that in lampooning ‘invisible gas’ into his ‘invisible intellect’ you completely missed the point.

    • T-roy Rice

      July 16, 2013 at 4:50 pm

      I totally get the point. Like Tony Abbott I’m against the Carbon Tax, and I’m extremely skeptical about Climate Change. I totally agree with Tony in challenging these policies. But I don’t think he goes about it the right way. I think he constantly contradicts himself (just like in this article), and if I have to choose between a Carbon Tax or Tony Abbott as Prime Minister, I choose the Carbon Tax

    • wizman

      July 16, 2013 at 5:19 pm

      LOL Marty! Actually climate change is what has happened so far, that has been measured, and has a whole lot of empirical data and theory behind it that correctly describes the observations. The extrapolation has large error bars attached to it, and even within them the scientists are very worried for the future.

      Lampooning “invisible gas” and a whole institution devoted to an “invisible creator” and his “invisible intellect” are the point.

    • elroy

      July 16, 2013 at 6:35 pm

      Well said!

    • Franky J

      July 16, 2013 at 9:19 pm

      BAHAHAHAHAHA!!

    • Tarun

      July 17, 2013 at 1:12 am

      Alright, I haven’t personally done the research but I understand science as a concept rather well. We still live in this world today were we have discussions about whether evolution is real or climate change is real and what not. Here is my take on things.

      Majority something upward of 95% of climate scientist agree on global warming and the climate change we are experience as a bad things. Two, all good scientist will classify their uncertainty, meaning the models and theories they create to explain climate science to some degree may not be entirely right. As such they have to quantify their uncertainty. Finally science is based on empirical evidence and testing and there is tons of it on climate.

      The problem is that climate science is quite a complicated study and as such it is hard to explain to the general public how it works. However there is no doubt that the evidence shows a rise in temperatures, sea levels and harmful gases.

      To deny that climate change is a real evident threat (whether natural or unnatural) is to deny the opinions of the majority of scientist who undergo tremendous scrutiny before they present what they believe to be true. I believe in the scientists not the skeptics.

      Many people push it off as this is the natural pattern of earth and we aren’t causing it. Well so fucking what, whether we are causing it or not, it is happening and its going to fuck us if we dont do something about it, period.

      • Rachel De Carlo

        July 18, 2013 at 11:45 am

        Thank you, @tarum… I like your response!!!

    • Kathy Brazher - De laine

      July 17, 2013 at 10:28 pm

      No we didn’t, use all the words and statements you want this man is not in contact with the average Australian !!!!

  8. Sydney

    July 16, 2013 at 4:36 pm

    Congratulations, you have successfully belittled millions of people who believe in God.

    • Kara

      July 16, 2013 at 6:31 pm

      Um… yes. That’s the idea.

    • Dave The :-) Singer (@HappySinger)

      July 16, 2013 at 9:43 pm

      Their beliefs are self-belittling.

    • uloola

      July 17, 2013 at 12:51 pm

      It’s that pesky God again, he/she is worse than that wascally wabbit
      Maybe God made atheists for a reason, for he doth move in mysterious ways.

    • Dexx

      July 17, 2013 at 11:30 pm

      Gods and their followers cause half the problems in this world. Humans would be far better off without all these silly gods floating around all over the place.

    • Trev

      July 18, 2013 at 8:42 am

      no they belittled the idea of faith only when it suits you. you can’t be presented with one book as evidence and base a metric tonne of policy around it (gay marriage, abortion etc) and then refuse to believe in climate science.

    • Helen K

      November 14, 2013 at 12:32 am

      Only if you don’t believe in climate change (I happen to believe in both God and climate change – not feeling belittled)

    • Peter

      July 28, 2014 at 10:13 pm

      It’s about time they’re belittled a bit, Sydney, it is their faith that has this world in such a mess.

  9. Joe everyman

    July 16, 2013 at 4:40 pm

    Typical leftist-athiest bullthwop.

    Everyone knows that God is all around us, he is in our first and last breathe, hes in the trees in all of us. And a true Christian knows that God grows with big businesses like Gina’s mining.

    I don’t need to be able to see God to know he is there. He’s is what puts the sparkle in beer, which is why monks invented it.

    • A Typical Leftist Atheist

      July 17, 2013 at 6:26 am

      Yeah… no. The sparkles in beer are carbon dioxide. But nice try.

    • sj26

      July 17, 2013 at 10:14 am

      Actually, beer is traced back it ancient Egypt and Persia, so it was a multitude of ancient Sumarian and Egyptian invisible things who put the sparkle in beer.

      Now that scientists have discovered that the sparkle those gods gave us is carbon dioxide we also know that they’re now trying new ways to kill us with their sparkle—letting us flood the atmosphere with it, amongst other shiney things.

      • Observer

        July 17, 2013 at 10:57 am

        Yes PRECISELY!! The conversation about WHAT? is being dumped into the atmosphere every day has begun. Watch the doco “Why in the world do they keep spraying” Shocking!! but real.

      • not so angry theist

        July 17, 2013 at 2:42 pm

        can science tell us what started the big bang? and what the meaning of life is (none of that replication cop out please)?

      • Lee

        July 17, 2013 at 7:26 pm

        On the big bang: kind of (do some looking and find out – start with Lawrence Kraus and go from there).

        On meaning: meaning is a construct of sentience, so what do you think the meaning of your life is? Feel free to give your life whatever meaning you wish. If by ‘meaning of life’ you mean some grand, ultimate meaning (must ask: meaning to who?), then your question contains an unwarranted assumption.

        Still, you need to understand something important here. Let’s assume the answer to both of your questions is no. So what? What basis would we have for trusting the ‘answers’ made up by the religious?

      • Dexx

        July 17, 2013 at 11:38 pm

        There is no “Meaning of Life” just like there is no “Meaning of the Rock Over There”. Life just happens when the circumstances are right and goes away again when they are not. The universe just exists and most likely has no meaning so why should a tiny miniscule little part of it (humans) have any meaning either? Meaning is in the mind of the beholder.

      • not so angry theist

        July 19, 2013 at 6:00 am

        Both of your responses make as much sense as some parts of the bible.

    • Dave

      July 17, 2013 at 10:16 am

      Everyone… LOL.

      Which god is all around us? Thor? Zeus?

      Thor has a couple of good movies – he looks pretty powerful, but I am not sure he is all around us. Maybe you meant Poseiden.

    • Tony

      July 20, 2013 at 5:21 pm

      Joe your claim that “Everyone….” has just been proven false by the exception. I don’t ! So your claim is disproved.

  10. Nick

    July 16, 2013 at 4:54 pm

    Well educated, smart underrated man? I don’t think I have ever laughed so hard in my life.

  11. Mitch Hedges

    July 16, 2013 at 5:47 pm

    A metaphysically flawed comparison, but all in good humour, I’m sure 🙂

    • Mitch

      July 16, 2013 at 6:46 pm

      Flawed in that there’s more evidence for climate change than a God, and that makes it ridiculous? I agree!

  12. otionblog

    July 16, 2013 at 9:57 pm

    So good!!

  13. Sally

    July 16, 2013 at 10:16 pm

    No more oxygen for Mr Abbott, I say. He doesn’t believe invisible gasses are of any importance anyway… he won’t mind.

  14. JOE

    July 17, 2013 at 2:58 am

    So where is the punch line? All atheists should share the same view?

    I must say, regardless of his religion, he has a valid point. Emission trading IS rather arbitrary and crazy.

  15. uloola

    July 17, 2013 at 3:17 am

    Please forgive Tony he has been bewitched by the sister of Satan,the wicked witch of Opus Dei, Julie the Bishopess.One look in her eyes is enough to reduce mere mortals such as Tony to a hypnotic trance like state of abject obediance.No one can be expected to resist the “the death stare”of she who must be obeyed!

  16. derwombat2013

    July 17, 2013 at 9:25 am

    Reblogged this on THE CHAPEL and commented:
    Wonderful stuff. Congrats SHOVEL!

  17. Sarah

    July 17, 2013 at 10:26 am

    If only someone had turned HIS boat back to the UK in 1960…
    A hypocrite on so many levels.

  18. Stephen

    July 17, 2013 at 11:16 am

    Yes. Fancy building institutions based on something invisible. Hang on … that is what the church is!

  19. martin cole

    July 17, 2013 at 12:58 pm

    Intelligence Is Invisible.
    The triple I rating attained by Tony Abbott. Very few leaders achieve and maintain this level of rating as consistently as TA.

    • uloola

      July 17, 2013 at 1:36 pm

      If this was the sixteenth century I would have all atheists burnt at the stake.Nowadays that would produce to big a carbon footprint.Therefore I would use the George Zimmerman method and blow your brains out to protect myself from the Godless pagans.I think Tony would agree that is a satisfactory compromise.

      • Dave

        July 18, 2013 at 10:59 am

        Ahhh yes… Let us all bask in the tolerance of the religious.

  20. uloola

    July 17, 2013 at 1:02 pm

    Lately I have been practising with all religions because I don’t want to get kicked out of heaven on a technicality.
    If heavens up in the sky will all that co2 that rises up to the sky eventually pollute heaven and make it uninhabitable?
    Maybe there’s a VIP heaven for people of Tony’s ilk?With Julie sitting at his right hand.

  21. not so angry theist

    July 17, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    atheists belittling those who believe in things bigger than them on the internet? how original.

    • Lee

      July 17, 2013 at 7:29 pm

      Some things are worthy of belittling. And incidentally, this atheist beleives in all kinds of things bigger than myself. Society, fairness, justice, exploration, discovery, mountains, trees, cows…

      • Lee

        July 17, 2013 at 7:30 pm

        Unfortunately this atheist’s fingers only occasionally allow him to type ‘believes’ correctly…

    • Dave

      July 17, 2013 at 9:12 pm

      How big is something imaginary?

      • Dexx

        July 17, 2013 at 11:43 pm

        How big would you like it to be? It can be as big as your imagination desires. Or even BIGGER!

  22. To all the first time voters out there that think they're pretty clever and want to vote for Labor or Green. Just like P-platers won't slow and stop killing people, you don't know any better when it comes to politics. Talk to your Mum's and Dad's and Gran

    July 17, 2013 at 7:11 pm

    WakeUp!

    • Kathy Brazher - De laine

      July 17, 2013 at 11:00 pm

      And while you’re at it ask them about the internet, social media, genetics, USB’s, twitter and how safe are your children when using something you don’t understand so it must be bad because you can’t be bothered to learn how to teach them how to use it properply !!!!!!

    • Dexx

      July 17, 2013 at 11:44 pm

      Dear WakeUp!, I think you have your name and comment in the wrong boxes.

  23. Sunny

    July 17, 2013 at 7:38 pm

    It’s more the fact that he doesn’t believe in climate change – or gay rights, or abortion. He mostly just believes in lining his pockets with Gina Rinehart & Rupert Murdochs cash.

    If we are forsaking invisible things, it’s bad news for gravity… And oxygen… And morality…

  24. FreeThinker

    July 17, 2013 at 7:54 pm

    This ever growing, relentlessly repetitive (not to mention unproductive) argument seems to never end.
    I would like to propose a more constructive question, are we living sustainably? isn’t this the more logical question? not only can it address the environment but also economically and sociologically.

    food for thought 🙂

    • Squirrel

      July 18, 2013 at 12:16 pm

      Yes, sustainable living instead of wanting more all the time – of any goods – is an issue which needs pursuing. Try telling that to economists, though!

  25. dariancase

    July 17, 2013 at 8:32 pm

    Reblogged this on dariancase.

  26. Kath

    July 18, 2013 at 11:27 am

    Dear Dexx – I thought Wakeup was being mysterious and clever.
    I can’t work out if the comments are worrying or encouraging regarding humanity. I wanted to click the like button a few times. The next time someone tells me Abbott is intelligent I’ll point them to this article. I was given the cane by a nun when I was eight for expressing the opinion that it didn’t seem very fair of God that only Catholics get into heaven. The punishment did nothing to convince me and I have always been bemused at each religions conviction that they hold the incontrovertible truth with the possible exception of Hinduism. Science sometimes verves on becoming almost a religion itself. I’m not sure that recycling my little plastic collection will make a big dint in climate chance but I do believe by faith in science, as I do not have the actual knowelege myself, that it exists and I do think with some big motherfucker moves we could take it on and fix it. While people still argue about how many invisible fairies make up their particular God we are screwed.

  27. Squirrel

    July 18, 2013 at 12:19 pm

    Thought this next snippet might give you all some amusement. My latest junk mail advertises a carbon monoxide alarm. Quote: Carbon monoxide is a leading cause of accidental poisoning. It’s odourless, tasteless and invisible.

  28. Al

    July 19, 2013 at 2:38 am

    He should know that 95% of the Universe we either cannot see or measure but is there (proven by Science)…maybe our tiny portion in it as we “see” is the ridiculous one..

    • Squirrel

      July 19, 2013 at 12:04 pm

      Oh, I really like that observation! Bravo!

  29. uloola

    July 19, 2013 at 1:45 pm

    Does The Monk realise the amount of ,invisible, hot air he is producing?A portion of which consists of Carbon Dioxide.

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  31. Nora Titzorf

    December 29, 2013 at 6:28 pm

    Some of you are in grave danger of dissapearing up your own arses.

  32. frontad84

    December 29, 2013 at 7:50 pm

    Is this column called The Shovel because it is full of bullshit?