“Seriously, You Guys Talk Some Sh*t”: David Cameron Displeased With Level Of Discourse On British Phone Calls

The UK could halve its national debt and almost triple its productivity if Brits didn’t spend so much time talking rubbish on the phone. That’s according to Prime Minister David Cameron who has been monitoring the nation’s phone calls in his spare time since taking up the top job.

“Put plainly, you people talk some absolute bosh,” Mr Cameron said in a speech yesterday, where he challenged the nation to lift the tenor of its phone calls.

“Just the other night Sam and I were monitoring some calls, as we like to do over a glass of wine on a Sunday, and some of the mindless prattle we heard was, frankly, embarrassing.

“One guy, for example, rings his wife up and says ‘where are you’, and she says ‘on the train’ and then – and I’m not making this up – he calls back not even a minute later and says ‘where are you now?’ and she says ‘still on the train’.

“I mean, it makes for entertaining listening while we’re tucking into a cheese platter and a Bordeaux at Number 10, but it’s not the type of dialogue that’s going to drag us out of a recession, is it?”

Mr Cameron said he was going to put the nation on a £45 monthly plan, to cut costs and encourage Britons to stick to only the most productive topics of conversation. “You get like 800 minutes included each month, so that should be more than enough”.

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2 Comments

  1. uloola

    June 25, 2013 at 10:43 pm

    Stop Press.The British government has revised it’s new law on digital drivel.A “Talk Tax” be introduced immediately,Words will be taxed on a syllable basis,words up to two syllables will incur a one Euro fee.More than two syllables will be charged at ten Euro’s on the basis that if you are able to articulate such big words you must be rich.The new imposition will be classified into two sub classes.The lowest common denominator will be the “Chattering Classes”,their wages will be garnished or social security adjusted to pay the levee to prevent them squandering their pittance on beer, cigarettes, pokies and porn.The next group are the “Monkey Chatter” sub group who are defined as people who just can’t shut up.They are part of a larger genre known as “Babbling Brooks”who have to talk otherwise their life is pointless,which it probably is.In keeping with the natural order of life anybody who attended a private school will be encouraged to talk on their phones as much as they wish as they are perceived to be super intelligent and wealthy enough not to have to pay tax,well not onshore anyway.The old saying “Time is Money” will be revised to “Talk is Money” (and it’s ours not yours)

  2. Isobel

    July 16, 2013 at 5:44 pm

    Gold!