Coalition MPs Unsure How They Will Describe Australian Economy If It Actually Does Go Into Recession

Joe Hockey and Tony Abbott satire

Coalition MPs were locked in crises talks this morning after it became apparent they had run out of ways to make the state of the Australian economy sound any worse.

After two and a half hours of deliberation, Shadow Treasurer Joe Hockey emerged saying the party had considered all options, but in the end had decided to invent a range of new terms. He said the new terms will enable MPs to adequately describe worsening economic conditions, should they occur.

“I think you’ll like what we’ve come up with,” Mr Hockey said.

“The economy is fuzwopped.

“This is a budget topnopple.

“Unemployment is at hootingbrand levels”.

Mr Hockey said that not everyone in the party room initially agreed with the new direction. “Tony wanted to say ‘unemployment is ginormous’ or ‘this is a really, really, really big budget emergency’. But we managed to convince him that that might sound a bit childish”.

Want more political satire? Follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter.

16 Comments

  1. Peter

    June 20, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    Sounds like too much Frobscottle & Whizzpoppers…..(The BFG. Roald Dahl)

  2. uloola

    June 20, 2013 at 2:28 pm

    They should be wearing helicopter hats.Please remedy this oversight in your next photograph.
    P.S.Is it true that Jolly Joe Hockey was having an affair with Wendi Deng?

  3. goodrumo

    June 20, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    Reblogged this on iheariseeilearn.

  4. Peter

    June 20, 2013 at 4:39 pm

    You people are pathetic, YOU are the reason I’m going to vote Liberal and many more are feeling this way. Do you notice there are not hundreds of Liberal sponsored hate pages speaking absolute crap like this, there is only ONE “gillard worst PM in history” there must be hundreds of Labor ones. Goes to show if you want to vote for a sensible, adult, honest party you have to vote Liberal.

    • uloola

      June 20, 2013 at 4:57 pm

      Peter.Can you help me?I wrote to John Howard to ask him why he didn’t go to Iraq to receive the accolades he so richly deserves,no reply has been forthcoming,I also asked him why his treasurer sold three quarters of our gold reserves to achieve a budget surplus,still nothing, he must still be in the G.W.Bush library looking for a copy of his memoirs.Could you intercede in this matter for me?

    • nicko

      June 20, 2013 at 6:11 pm

      Most Tony Abbot fans are yet to get dial up.

    • Greg

      June 20, 2013 at 7:07 pm

      Then you’re not looking very hard, Peter….

    • Scott Clarke

      June 20, 2013 at 9:49 pm

      Peter, as my children say, “whatever”.

    • narcoticmusing

      July 9, 2013 at 1:00 pm

      Peter – your comment assumes that mainstream media aren’t already filling that position – have you looked at a news corp page in the last, I don’t know, 5 years?

  5. edward eastwood

    June 20, 2013 at 5:20 pm

    ps. Liberal party insiders said that it was a tough job convincing Tony not to use such terms, and that initially he threatened to go into his office and hold his breath until his face turned blue.

    • uloola

      June 20, 2013 at 6:10 pm

      Edward.Of course it had to turn blue and not red !

  6. uloola

    June 20, 2013 at 10:47 pm

    Lets not get into a debate about coloured people.

  7. uloola

    June 20, 2013 at 10:59 pm

    What about the economy has become Rudderless?Or maybe a Swansong?
    Gotta go now I need more Gin.

  8. Abbott Lies

    July 17, 2013 at 12:14 pm

    WTF Peter ? Your voting Liberal because of some silly satire ? Cmon, tell us the truth Peter, you are a bleeding heart liberal ! Because if you weren’t you wouldn’t be offended about a bit of humor.

  9. lmrh5

    July 17, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    Reblogged this on lmrh5.