Women’s magazines ‘unprepared’ for Royal Twins, experts say

With speculation mounting that Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, may be carrying twins, there are growing fears that trashy women’s magazines are simply ill-equipped to handle the sheer volume of vacuous rubbish that will need to be written about the birth.

“We’ve got ten full-time reporters dedicated to the Royal Foetus,” said one editor, “I don’t have a budget for twenty”. She said she would consider splitting the work force, with five reporters on each baby, but had real concerns that this would compromise the in-depth coverage for which her magazine was renowned.

Another editor, who did not wish to be named, said a double royal birth would put considerable pressure on her staff. “There’s a limit to how excited you can pretend to be about the baby of someone you’ve never met. To all of a sudden have to double that level of excitement, it’s just not sustainable”.

Resources analyst Bob Yarren said there was a very real possibility the world would run out of paper. “We’re prepared for fifty-page collectors editions of New Idea and Who Weekly. But if there were to be royal twins … well, let’s just say I’d be pretty nervous if I was a virgin rain forest”.

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