John Howard says claims that Asia is our closest neighbour are exaggerated

John Howard political satire

Former Prime Minister John Howard believes the attention given to Asia in a recent White Paper is misguided, saying that he is yet to see conclusive evidence that Australia is anywhere near Asia. 

Speaking from his home in Sydney today, Howard said, “I’m an Asia agnostic. I’m open to the suggestion that Asia may be just a few hundred kilometres off the north cost of Australia, but I don’t think the geography is irrefutable yet, more work needs to be done”.

In the meantime, Mr Howard advised the Government to continue to focus on its relationship with the United States. “We know exactly where the US is – I’ve been there several times, I was there on September 11 as it turns out – so to me that seems a surer bet than experimenting with continents that may not even share our hemisphere let alone our values and history”.

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  1. Nimbinguy

    January 14, 2013 at 6:29 am

    Typical Sydney comment, just ignore your next door neighbour. My neighbour is my bestie 3 blocks away! W…er!

  2. Mark

    January 14, 2013 at 7:10 am

    the guy always was a Moron nothing has changed

  3. Cliff Halloran

    January 14, 2013 at 10:20 am

    You do understand this is satire, right?

  4. Lee J.

    November 6, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    More gold – brilliant.

  5. Monicas wckd stpmthr (@Monicas_WS)

    November 6, 2013 at 1:40 pm

    Interestingly, Howard was in the USA on September 11, 2001, and in the UK at the time of the Underground bombings (6/6/2005?). Coincidence?

    • Alice

      November 6, 2013 at 5:22 pm

      Lol, it’s 7/7/2005! Get your conspiracy theories right!

  6. Gareth

    November 6, 2013 at 3:13 pm

    He was also visiting Dallas in 1963 on a student exchange program.

  7. Raymond machyuddin

    November 6, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    So ignore your neighbors. And be closer to people who are on the other side of the world. What a joke!

  8. bod

    November 7, 2013 at 8:14 pm

    The evidence is not yet conclusive, but I’m sure he was in Saravejo when Franz Ferndinand was shot in 1914.

  9. James Murphy

    November 8, 2013 at 8:13 am

    If you look closely, you can see him reflected in one of the astronauts visors, when they “landed on the moon”.

    I also hear that he was driving the mini-sub that took Harold Holt, but I think some crazed conspiracy theorist is making that up, it sounds totally implausible.

    • Bod

      November 8, 2013 at 11:35 am

      And wasn’t Harold Holt at Portsea the day the Prime Minister disappeared? Coincidence? Conspiracy?

  10. Aulelei

    November 8, 2013 at 8:34 am

    He was definitely there when the comet crashed, causing an extinction event for the dinosaurs … I saw it on twitter.

  11. Jenny

    November 10, 2013 at 11:22 pm

    This is just the funniest thing Ive read this week