Lance Armstrong to make a blood oath that he didn’t cheat (and store the blood in a bag for safe keeping)

Lance Armstrong satire

Disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong’s continuing denials of drug cheating accusations have, so far, failed to convince an outraged public. But today Armstrong took the unusual step of saying he will publicly swear a ‘blood oath’ in the hope it will put all doubts to rest. 

“I happen to know a guy who has all the equipment. He’s even got those bags that you store blood in, so no-one need worry about hygiene or anything,” the former champ said. 

“I’m determined to prove my innocence. If that means getting one to two litres of blood removed by a medical professional under controlled conditions from time to time, so be it”.

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