Gina Rinehart’s 5 Easy Steps To Becoming Rich

1. Make sure your dad is really wealthy

Do whatever you have to do to be born into enormous wealth – it saves a lot of time building a business from scratch. Inheriting your father’s eyes is lovely, but inheriting his iron-ore deposits is so much more useful.

 

2. Keep your children’s dirty mitts off your money

Children are horrible. And horribly expensive. Get your legal team to set up a watertight, legally binding agreement for your children that stipulates what belongs to you and what doesn’t belong to them.

 

3. When your income is threatened, run a multi-million dollar advertising campaign

I’m sick of whingers who have the nerve to say they don’t get paid enough, but then don’t have the balls to follow it up with a professionally developed TV campaign arguing their case. Don’t tell me about your problems, tell your advertising agency!

 

4. Where possible, import cheap labour

If your maid or head gardener is an Australian citizen, you’re probably paying too much. Import labour where possible or, as I do with my cooking staff, set up a fly-in-fly-out strategy from a third world country

 

5. Grow your own vegetables

And operate your own mines. You’d be amazed at how much money you can save on basic household items when you do things yourself.

 

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6 Comments

  1. Tony

    August 30, 2012 at 9:54 am

    I’m confused, which article did the shovel write and which one did Gina write?

    • Kit

      September 3, 2012 at 8:17 am

      The fact you can’t tell tell the difference between satire and the originating article says it all, Tony, *grin* What an example of Poe’s Law 😉
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe's_law

      • Max R

        March 18, 2013 at 7:00 pm

        I think that was the joke Kit 😛

  2. uloola

    June 20, 2013 at 8:04 pm

    Stop Press.Gina Ironheart, aka The Fascist Slime, has just bought Western Australia.Lord Monkton has been appointed state premier and Brian Burke is now state treasurer, Jo Banana’s son has been made Minister For Everything Else.All unskilled workers are to be sourced from Bangladesh and paid in their own currency,apparently to teach them the value of Gina’s money. Refugee boat people with be used to collect the garbage. Corporal punishment has been incorporated into the states new constitution according to reports in the new state newspaper The Hancock Herald.

  3. Andy Finegan

    July 17, 2013 at 3:10 pm

    And get a starring role in Star Wars 7 “Revenge of Jabba’s sister”

    • uloola

      July 17, 2013 at 4:06 pm

      You have got to love her,she’s my favourite sociopath.
      Is it true that Jabba of the Hutt River Provence has bought Rottnest Island and has built a maximum security prison to house her children to prevent them from being kidnapped?