Roger Federer to buy Greece

Introducing The Shovel’s guest reporter Bob Nightly 

In an announcement this morning set to further enhance his status as ‘The Nicest Man on The Planet’, Swiss tennis superstar Roger Federer has come to an agreement with the Greek government to buy the fledgling country and all of its debt.

Caretaker Prime Minister Panagiotis Pikrammenos has welcomed the arrangement, which was pounded out over 12 hours of talks with EU, IMF and European Central Bank officials and said he looked forward to a “new Greece full of prosperity and tennis”. Federer has tentatively agreed to leave the current government in charge but told reporters this morning in Athens that “if things go bad again I’ll be sending in Mirka to sort out the finances” referring to his wife and financial advisor, Miroslava Federer.

Greece celebrates

Greek citizens flooded to the streets of Athens to celebrate the fact they were no longer screwed

The Greek people have heralded the announcement as a sign from the gods and have immediately commenced work on a multi-million dollar stadium and a large headband-wearing monument in honour of the Swiss world number three. Federer however, has taken the whole thing in his stride saying “It just seemed like it was time someone sorted out this whole EU mess and since I had a fortnight’s break between tournaments it made sense for me to get it done”.

When reporters quizzed the 6-time Wimbledon Champion about his future plans, Federer replied “For now I’ll concentrate on putting together a good clay court season in the lead up to the French Open. Then, if I get a bit of spare time, I’ll see what I can do about the Israel/Palestine thing”.